In today’s life full of strife and tension, men have become mechanical instruments of sorts. No wonder, we put children on margin and don’t seem to have enough time to think of their welfare. Unless we find time to attend to the multifarious needs of a child’s growth and development, child’s personality will not unfold to its maximum potential.
Behaviour in the family
Innocence of a child appeals to one and all. Their pranks and tantrums, on the other hand, can be a source of great embarrassment for their parents. Doubtless, eccentricities of young ones are innate quality, but their manners and etiquettes are borrowed from environment. Hence it becomes our moral duty to create an ambiance of love, cheer and cordiality around us. Families with growing children must have an atmosphere of amity and altruism all the more.
One day I went to a friend of mine. As I pushed call bell on door, out came his eight year old daughter Prachi. Folding her two little hands she smiled saying, “Namastey Uncle.” Thereafter she asked me,” Uncle, who do you want to see?”
Indeed I was floored by her gracious manner and charm. On knowing that it was her father whom I came to visit, she said, “Uncle please step in, please,…I am calling papa right now.” Then she asked politely, “May I know your good name, Uncle?”
I told her who I was whereupon Prachi went inside. Doubtless, she gave a good example of etiquettes. And I was deeply moved by her manners.
Politeness is paramount
Politeness is the core message of Biblical saying—do unto others as you would have other do unto you. This is one of the cardinal principles of life which parents should teach to their wards. Ordinarily children can do little regarding how others behave with them. This naturally leads to a tit for tat situation, i.e., child behaving similarly as its elder—be that good or bad. Ironically parent’s indifference in such matters is often a cause for deep concern. They seem to forget that a man is known by the company he keeps. All in society like company of cultured individuals, and not of questionable characters. Forgetting this, parents hobnob Toms Dicks and Harries of dubious character visciating the family atmosphere. Besides this, for some guardians the very subject of etiquettes is irrelevant and uncalled for. This is ignominious. If we desire our children to be loved and admired, quoted as example in peer group, and achieve success in all spheres of life; we must teach them to be polite and well behaved. This obviously is not possible if our own behaviour is not above board. Behaving well with children is as significant as doing so with our own peers and superiors. Indeed if householders are consistent in their conduct and behaviour, then children too imbibe etiquettes and good manners from them. Needless to say that setting actual example before children is a better way of honing them as compared to homilies.
Etiquettes come easy
There is a big list of good manners when it comes to interaction between members of a family. Beginning with sun rise early in the morning, it is customary to wish our elders, pay obeisance to them by way of touching their feet or saying ‘Namaskar’ with folded hands, and seek their blessings. Using prefixes like Sir, Madam or Your honour in addressing a senior is touch-of-class.
Saying please, thank you, my pleasure, and such like connotations in conversation are good manners. Replying promptly when called—especially by seniors, to stand up as mark of respects when seniors enter in your room to offer them seat, and to take to our own seat only after making them comfortable; is consistent will call of etiquettes. Similarly offering seat to elders on dinning table before taking your own—offering them food first—and catering them, constitute table manners which make ‘eating-together’ a memorable experience.
Etiquettes include whole lot of interactions which appeal to sensibilities of young and old alike. Some of these are traditional and of vital significance. Like organising a party at home, community feasting, and festivity. A whole hearted participation in them, receiving guests and taking good care of them bespeaks of good culture and upbringing. Elders on their part show best of etiquettes by way of abnegation. They go to any extent for sake of their little ones’ happiness, ignoring their own wants—to meet child’s needs.
On the flip side is the story of dinner party hosted by Abhishek Gupta, an acquaintance of mine, in honour of his boss Ramesh Chandra. Abhishek’s sixteen year old daughter Ruchi served food. Just as she would find a plate vacant, she would toss a Chapati there from distance. Mrs. Ramesh Chandra took exception to this. If only Ruchi knew better, she could keep Chapatis on a central plate from where guests could pick up as per choice. There are many such lapses in tit bits of daily life which escape attention of busy guardians. Nevertheless they need to be put under scanner and children apprised of their merits/demerits in lucid details.
Take another example. Savita was discussing something with her friend Priya when her little daughter Chanchal intervened. Irked at her daughter poking nose into her affairs she lambasted, “When two people are talking, you shouldn’t speak in between. Go to your room and do your homework.” Chanchal got up and went to her room. Priya was full of praise for Savita—for her timely and constructive counsel to her errant daughter.
Be conscientious of other’s happiness
Dealing with our fellow humans, numerous and diverse as they are, is an enriching brush with elite, mediocre, as well as the banal groups. All beings try to impress others through their skills of communication, business, and conduct. Indeed no such act should be carried out as makes others sad and surly. There is much more to good conduct than just a civilized behaviour. In life both are significant—moral conduct as well as polished behaviour.
No child is born well behaved. He picks up pattern from his environment as he grows up. Hence the need for lessons in moral conduct. Not necessarily the whole lot of bookish wisdom that comes under this head. Rather, we should go by order of priority. Matters that are more relevent should be told first, the less relevent later. When child grows up—give him company of good books. Help a boy become a gentleman and girl become a woman of substance. Indeed if we want company of nice people, we must put our own house in order first.
Wise and the knowledgeable people talk less and talk sense; especially when audience is sizeable. Be it in premises of a hotel, shopping arcade, office, museum, library or auditorium; we should talk to children in moderation, in a low pitch voice. At public places people judge us by our clothes, body language, and manner of speaking. It is common to see children running in alleyways playing hide and seek, and calling out at the top of their voice. At times they howl and shout just for the hack of it. Even young girls of 12 to 16 are seen talking loudly on roads and breaking into guffaus of laughter. All these are indicators that they weren’t checked for their foibles early in their formative years.
Some children resort to doing nonsensical acts just for sake of attracting attention and getting vicarious pleasure out of astonishing and shocking others. This is outright turpitude. It behoves on young girls, to demit effervercence, and put on simple sober attires. When they go out, they should mean business. It won’t do them any good to get personal with people other than their kins and well wishers.
Remember
❑ It is true beyond doubt that ‘Politeness is prosperity. Lack of etiquettes is adversity.’
❑ There is a time to laugh, as also to weep. But the unfortunate part is this that people laugh when they should be grim, and weep when they should be laughing. It is crass cruelty to laugh on lapses, sorrows, and misfortune of your fellow beings.
❑ There is nothing funny in deformities of the physically handicapped. Who knows, there may be a saga of intense suffering and sacrifice in their formation.
❑ A child is a child is a child. It is unbecoming of us to cash on their ignorance and innocence. Children on their part shouldn’t argue, shouldn’t blame their parents, and shouldn’t press on with their demands unmindful of guardian’s paying power. Because such acts constitute bad manners.
