Strength is life
Howsoever sublime be the glory of our ancient history and civilization, our gazetteers like Upanishads, our seer and sages; these are no indicators of our present day calibre. We are basically weak and our weakness is at a physical level. First and foremost, our youngsters would have to become physically strong. Religion comes much later on.
—Swami Vivekananda
It is natural for parents to have many a queries on various aspects of upbringing of their loved ones. Since many of these queries find no tangible solutions, generation x bears the brunt. Some such problems are listed here below, together with their answers from experts and reliable sources.
Question : What is the importance of physical exercise in a child’s overall development?
Answer : Exercise enhances vitality by propping blood circulation in our body. It makes bones and muscles stronger. Along side body, it nurtures mental
health as well. Physical exercise makes children strong and self confident. Their tolerance level and discipline becomes top notch. These qualities of head and heart make their future bright.
Question : We as couple are often at logger heads. During our tit for tat we find children awed and shocked. Does that in any way effect their psyche?
Answer : Parents should never quarrel before their children. Try withholding your acrimony and subli-mating it. No need to show it to kids. Thanks to TV serials, they already know this all too well. Separation, divorce, are no strange sounding words for children. Children get tensed up when they see their parents quarreling. They even brood over possibilities their parents part ways. What will happen to them then? So, as far as possible, keep atmosphere at home benign and joyous.
Question : Is it true that it is only in early childhood that values can be inculcated in children?
Answer : Real grounding to be independent and self confident can be imparted only in the early childhood. Child sticks to pontifications of his formative years, firmly and fearlessly. Later in life, it is hard to culture them.
Question : My child is six years old. His uncle scolds him even on minor issues. Will that impact my child adversely?
Answer : Scolding and reviling are as essential for a child as mollycoddling. Yet needless needling is inept. As children grown up, they mellow down and realise their mistakes. This era of cut throat competition is already hard for children to begin with. If they fail to make it, don’t scold them. Explain them with deep feelings how hard work will help them and how you as parents will always support them.
Question : How far is it correct to weigh a child’s plus and minus and compare it with other child’s?
Answer : It is commonly seen that parents reserve their affection only for intelligent, good looking and obedient children. This is a damning insult for a the other group of not-so-gifted youngsters. This group then disobeys their parents, teachers and well wishers all the more. So doing gives them a vicarious pleasure of being one up on their parents. Naturally the distraught parents resort to battery which render these children all the more difficult to mend. Hence children shouldn’t be weighed against each other.
Question : Does nicknaming children or calling them with teasing metaphors do any harm?
Answer : At times words used by parents to address their children get tagged for good. Like for example a child being called a fool, incompetent etc. Such connotations indeed scar a child’s psyche. Then there are guardians who enjoy teasing children and even to the extent of making them weep. Such acts, they seem to forget, are wrought with unpredictable and unsavoury consequences. At times children react on the spot, paying them back in same coin. Some are hurt at subconscious level. Such children resort to rebellion, even violence, later in life. Hence guardians better be on their guard.
Questions : We have a four year old son who explodes into tantrums the moment he sees that his wishes are not being entertained. He would then roll on ground, shout and beat hands and feet. That apart, he picks objects close by, breaking them or throwing them around. How to leash him?
Answer : Children do have a mind of their own and when denied attention, they sulk and get angry. By rolling on ground they express their anguish. As long as meeting a child’s desire is harmless and within norms, it is pointless to oppose him. Yet children must be made to realise that wishes are not horses and they can’t have their way always and everywhere. When a child is in rage, and bersek, it is best to leave him alone till he looses his steam and cools down. Try reaching out to the real cause of child’s anguish, and help him to calm down. Gradually the child will learn to know his mistakes.
Question : My seven year old daughter gets annoyed with her father for not keeping his promise. Is it vile not to honour commitment with a child?
Answer : As a matter of fact it is parents’ beholden duty not to go back on their words, tell lies, or do any such act which they wouldn’t like their children to do. Because loosing children’s trust once and for all is most tragic. For then they loose all respect for you, loathe you, and far from being friendly—start behaving as strangers. Granted that parent can’t provide all that their children ask for, and rightly too. Yet a promise must be kept. If fact before making a promise we must seriously introspect on whether or not the same is tenable. Talking tall just to amuse tiny tots for a while in inadvisable.
Question : My daughter, 10 years, is a nuisance. She is adamant, and sulks on slightest of pretext. When I ask her to change dress, she doesn’t seem to listen. If stopped from playing in water she rolls on ground, wailing loudly. Now she has as a ready ‘No’ as answer to all my suggestions. I don’t know what to do?
Answer : Complaints of such nature come, generally, from mothers of 18 months to 3 years old babies. This age group has a volatile temperament. Parentral indifference or over indulgence, not getting their heart’s desire, or plain boredom; goes to their nerves and they show it by spreading out on ground. If some mothers believe they can easily wean their wards out of such perversion, they are mistaken. In fact trying to make children totally obedient and conformist is neither possible nor desirable. Children must be allowed liberty to say ‘No’. Else they will grow gritty. Parents should themselves take care to use ‘No’ with prudence right from the time their child begins crawling on floor.
Question : My son, 3 years, often steals knife from kitchen—beguiling me. When caught, or scolded for act, he goes red with anger and hits his head on wall or floor. I am now scared that mending him may lead to untoward incident. Please advise.
Answer : This happens with mothers dealing with two to four year old brats. Children of this age group are hard nuts to crack on interface. Disobeying parents and misadventurism are parts and parcel of this phase of growing up. By so doing, a child asserts that he has a distinct identity of his own. He loves to be seen as separate and distinct from his mother. Hence his antics are his attempts to assert his sovereignty. Coincidently, parental heebie-jeebie too begins just when the child approaches an year of age. If child takes a pick at knife, it should gently be disengaged from him, telling him that the item is no child’s play and can harm.
Question : My daughter is two and a half years. One day as I went to my banker to deposit money, I took her along. That being Saturday, it was quite a rush in bank premises, and I had to stand in a long queue. Hardly a few minutes had past, she began remonstrating. She lied down on floor, frowning. As I reasoned with her, she persisted clenching her teeth, pulling her hair and tuggings her frock. In no time her entire dress was dishevelled. Unable to bear it any longer, I was besides myself with rage. To teach her a lesson then and there, I showered blows and punches on her. She is now used to such trespasses, and bouts of anger. What can be done to help her out?
Answer : Whenever you leave home for an errand with your little one, make sure that she carries along a toy of her liking. It will keep her engaged while you do business. If, for any reason, child goes bersek at a public place, first thing to be done is to hold him tight to check his throwing of hands and feet.
More importantly, keep your own anger in check when stuck thus. Don’t beat the child who is berserk. Restraining her physically, you should lovingly prevail on her to cool down and sit comfortably. Tell her weeping serves no purpose and that you have a job to do which would take a little time. And that you won’t release her from your grip unless she jettisons anger.
Doubtless, it is more apt and convenient to pontify children at home—than at a public place. When child grows wild, tell her quietly—‘Finish up with your frolics first, then we will consider doing other things.’ When child settles down to a better sense following this counsel, don’t forget to give her a pat of love.
Quite often we take to rod to mend youngsters. Two-three year old children can scarce understand what corporal punishment means. All they understand of being roughed up by their parents is this that their guardians beat them up on account of their seniority, and authority to do so. Ergo, physical punishment is no way to mend children and better their manners.
