Fraud and falsehood are human frailties that cost a man dear. In the context of tiny tots, these frailties are all the more demonic. Willy nilly, the first lesson in guile is learned from precincts of household only.
What lies beneath a lie?
Before we talk about discarding lies, let us consider why in the first place there should be a need (real or imagined) for telling lies. Go back into the time recalling experience instance when your son told you a lie. Why did he do so? Was it to bail out his pal in trouble? Or was it to conceal his own blemish? Or was it just wistful, a flight of fancy, a misadventure; and child believed he could act smart and get away with it?
Like a physician struggling with diagnosis, we must go deep into these aspects to unravel the truth. This involves posing penetrating questions even if they are unseemly, just as a Doctor does while taking history of his patient. At times inquest spills over on to patient’s relatives and guardians and such exercise gives vital clues for diagnosing a disease condition.
Same holds true for parents mending their child. If the ‘lie’ so detected is likely to remain a confidential matter between parents and offspring, and the two share a bound of unbreachable trust, the truth comes to surface easily. Much the same for interface between teacher and their students. Albeit level of trust and intimacy between the two may not be as strong as in a blood relationship. On the flip side parents may be lulled into believing that their loved one will never beguile them—much to their peril and embarrassment on a reality check. On this count at least teachers have a better footing as compared to guardians. Moral, thus, is clear. Have a practical, down to earth feel for youngsters for then alone will they confide in you and reveal their problems without inhibitions.
Truth always wins
Children must be given to understand, right from the very start, that truth always triumphs. Mundkopnishad holds : “Truth alone is victorious, nothing else is.” It would make a better sense indeed if parents themselves set example in truthful living. Just as children reach the stage of cognitive awareness, try putting before them ideals of human values. This is done best by way of true life stories, and discussions based on lives of men and women of substance.
Let children hear stories of such characters as remain steadfast and stick to truth even when, literally, passing through fire. These would instill in them awe and admiration for such heroes, and they would revere truth in substance as well as nuances. A fight between truth and evil forces—with truth emerging victorious in end—is the right ingredient for stories which leave deep and lasting impression on psyche of growing children. They make children loathe falsehood, cowardice, and selfishness. Bad characters fail to impress them, and children are increasingly attracted to the brave, courageous, and law abiding heroes of bed time stories. Thus lure for the ideal and scorn for falsehood become part and parcel of child’s unfolding persona.
If Mahatma Gandhi could rise to the stature of Father of Indian nation, it was thanks to the stage play ‘King Harish Chandra’ he saw in his childhood. So impressed was he by the message of drama that all his life he remained a stickler for truth. So much so he named his autobiography as ‘…Experiments with Truth.’ James Allen, the famed writer, was fond of saying : “Just as jingle of coin reveals its metallic nature, the same way a person can be judged for the truth of his being. A coin that is proved genuine, is accepted all over the world for its entire worth.”
Lies that are sweet and seemly
Generally speaking, habit of telling lies is picked up by youngsters when they see their own parents and siblings doing it. And this is the crux. If our company is proving ungainly for juniors, we must relinquish those habits which suspect. At times parents take recourse to telling lies hoping it would do their children good. But consequences are otherwise. When children get to know reality of their guardian’s indifference, they start doubting them—and for good. Not uncommonly, we praise a person on his face and revile him at his back. Such behaviour is noted by children in the family and then they too start behaving that way. Hence it is best to remember that examples are better than precepts.
Promise must be kept
Those who guile their children to control them don’t seem to realise immense harm they do to the sensibilities of young ones. There are many who make a promise and break it with equal felicity. For example, Bunty’s parents leaving home for market cajole him to stay back home thus : ‘Not this time. But next time we will definitely take you to market.’ And when next time comes, they renege on promise, and repeat old salvo, that next time it would definitely be. Naturally, this gets to the child’s nerves. He gets angry off and on, and starts believing that his parents are liars.
So, as far as possible, don’t make a commitment if you can’t keep it. This, on one hand, augurs well for a child’s sensibilities. And on the other hand child’s love and trust in you remains unsullied.
Remember
❑ As far as possible, try to pin down a lie. But don’t compel a child to say ‘sorry’ lest you force him to tell yet another lie.
❑ Whether children realise their mistakes and feel guilty over them—should be left entirely to them. But never miss out on going to the root of their problem. Because unless you know the cause of deceit, remedy won’t be tenable.
❑ Try to see why children took recourse to a lie. Always prevail on them that telling lies is cowardice. And that, telling the truth is hallmark of strength and courage.
❑ Right from their early life, children must get to see good examples and precedents from you. And never forget that a nick in time saves nine.
