Full and Faithful Report

Chapter-9

The Pickwickians and Mr. Pickwick’s solicitors arrived at court and took their places. By and by, the presiding judge Mr. Justice Starleigh, a short, fat man with a “very comical-looking wig,” took his place and the trial began.
But before the trial began, Thomas Goffen, a chemist, who had been selected for jury duty, argued his case for being excused to no avail. Justice Starleigh was deaf to the chemist’s argument that his—Goffen’s—absence at the pharmacy could prove tragic on account of the chemist’s assistant who was ignorant of chemical properties (thus the possiblity of selling the wrong concoction of drugs to a customer).
Presently, the trial began with Mr. Sergeant Buzfuz’s opening statement on behalf of Mrs. Bardell. The statement was a lengthy one and was put in the best possible light on behalf of Mrs. Bardell and in the worst possible light on behalf of Mr. Pickwick. Then Mr. Buzfuz called Mrs. Bardell’s friend Mrs. Cuppins to the witness stand. Her testimony was predictably biased in favour of Mrs. Bardell. But no sooner was she done with her testimony than she indulged in a rambling discourse about her own domestic affairs, for which she was escorted out of the courtroom.
Mr. Nathaniel Winkle was called to the stand by the prosecution. In having the Pickwickian’s name reiterated, the presiding judge botched it and then justified his botching it with an absurd argument. The trial proceeded. Mr. Skimpin, Mr. Buzfuz’s assistant, took Mr. Winkle’s testimony. By dint of overbearing pressure, Mr. Winkle’s words were made to reflect badly on Mr. Pickwick.
Mr. Phunky, Mr. Snubbin’s assistant, then questioned Mr. Winkle on behalf of Mr. Pickwick. The argument was made that Mr. Pickwick’s advanced age made him a father figure to Mr. Winkle, and that in his advanced age Mr. Pickwick was content to remain a bachelor as his wild oats had already been sown, so to speak. Thus, Mr.Winkle had put Mr. Pickwick in the best of lights only to ruin this line of argument with a qualification. The prosecution pounced on the qualification and forced Mr. Winkle to speak of the embarrassing incident wherein Mr. Pickwick found himself in Miss Witherfield’s room, causing a rupture between her and her betrothed George Nupkins, Esq. Consequently, some hours after the trial, Mr. Winkle was found at the George and Vulture lamenting his lapse of judgement.
The trial continued with the testimonies of Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass, and Susannah Sanders. Alas, by and large, the prosecution managed to get the upper hand on these testimonies as well. Then Sam Weller was called to the stand and things took a turn. Sam’s forthrightness made him a favorite of the people observing from the gallery. Both the presiding judge and the lead prosecution Mr. Buzfuz were made to look like fools. Indeed, Sam’s testimony suggested that Dodson and Fogg weren’t so much involved in the case to represent their client Mrs. Bardell but to swindle money off of Mr. Pickwick. Subsequently, the prosecution quickly dismissed Sam from the witness stand.
Mr. Snubbin made his closing statement on behalf of the defendant Mr. Pickwick. Needless to say, it put Mr. Pickwick in the best of lights. Then Justice Starleigh addressed the jury, reiterating the issue at hand. The jury recessed to arrived at a decision.
A quarter of an hour passed when the jury rendered a decision. The decision was in favour of the prosecution; the defendant must pay damages amounting to 750 pounds. Indignant, Mr. Pickwick assures Dodson and Fogg, that they would not receive a farthing. Dodson and Fogg gloated. Meanwhile, Mr. Weller senior reminded Sam that Mr. Pickwick should have done as Mr. Weller had suggested.
The Pickwickians had chosen Bath as their next destination. Mr. Perker agreed that that’s a good idea as the gaiety and amusement that they were likely to find there might persuade Mr. Pickwick to reconsider his resolve to go to debtor’s prison rather than honour the damages the court had legally bound him to pay. Subsequently, Mr. Pickwick commissioned Sam to book five seats for the journey to Bath.
Alas, it turned out, that in terms of riding inside the post-chaise, there were only two seats available. The three other passengers must do by riding outside the post-chaise.
As the Pickwickians waited for their post-chaise in the White Collar Cellar’s traveller’s room, they made the acquaintance of Mr. Dowler, a former army man who was now in business and who was also headed for Bath, with his pretty wife Mrs. Dowler. Taking note of the number of the Pickwicians who were to travel with him to Bath, Mr. Dowler declaimed the possibility of being squeezed into the post-chaise, which would only comfortably accommodate four passengers. He threatened to sue the company operating the post-chaise for the inconvenience only to be assured by Mr. Pickwick that only two of the Pickwickians would be taking their seats inside the post-chaise. Thus, with Messrs. Pickwick and Winkle and Mr. and Mrs. Dowler riding inside the post-chaise and Sam and Messrs. Tupman and Snodgrass riding outside the post-chaise, the travellers arrived in Bath where they all put up at the White Hart hotel.
The next morning at breakfast, Mr. Dowler introduced a friend of his, Angelo Cyrus Bantam, Esquire, MC, to the Pickwickians. Bantam, a fifty-year old man whose dress and manners were excessively elaborate, invited the Pickwickians to a ball. As for the tickets of admission to the evening’s ball, as they were not ready yet, Mr. Pickwick offered to make his servant Sam pick them up at Bantam’s residence at four in the afternoon. Bantam objected but agreed on account of Mr. Pickwick’s insistence. Thus, at the appointed hour, Sam appeared at Bantam’s residence. He was met by a haughty, powdered-headed footman who was Bantam’s servant. At first, the powder-headed footman objected to Sam’s free and easy ways, but by and by Sam won him over and they parteded in good terms.
At the ball, the Pickwickians and the Dowlers were met by Bantam who was the Master of Ceremonies. Through Bantam, Mr. Pickwick made the acquaintance of various supercilious people including Lord Mutanhed, the wealthiest man in Bath who spoke with a lisp and who did his best to put Mr. Pickwick in his place with a proud stare, and the Honorable Mr. Cushton, who was wont to fawn on Lord Mutanhed. To Mr. Pickwick’s chagrin, through Bantam, he also made the acquaintance of the Dowager Lady Snuphanuph, Mrs. Wugsby, and Miss Bolo, who contrived to let Mr. Pickwick join them at a card game. Indeed, the card game proved to be so unpleasant, what with the ladies’ overbearing scrutiny and criticism of Mr. Pickwick’s play, that when Mr. Pickwick retired for the night, he fell instantly asleep.
Having determined to stay in Bath for two months, the Pickwickians considered moving into the Royal Crescent but for the private lodging’s size which accommodated more guests than the Pickwickians could provide. However, when the Dowlers offered to move in with the Pickwickians, the deal was clinched.
Typically, Mr. Pickwick spent his time systematically drinking the waters of Bath, i.e. before breakfast and after breakfast, which were alternated with brisk walks. Thus, after a day of drinking and walking, Mr. Pickwick sat up at night and made a journal entry when Mrs. Craddock, the landlady, informed Mr. Pickwick that if Mr. Pickwick wasn’t in need of any further services that she would turn in for the night. Mr. Pickwick had no objections. Presently, having finished his journal entry, Mr. Pickwick reads it by coulddlelight.
The entry, entitled “The True Legend of Prince Bladud,” concerned the origins of Bath and its salubrious waters. There was the apocryphal version in which Prince Bladud, having contracted leprosy while studying in Athens, only associates with farmers and pigs upon his return to Britain. Among the pigs, there was a particular one whose coat was sleek and whose complexion was clear, which Prince Bladud pays special attention to. Indeed, like the pig, the Prince took a mud bath at the same location where the pig was wont to took mud baths when a miracle occurs: the Prince was cured of his leprosy. Thus the waters of Bath were established. Alas, the Prince dies when in search of the pig, he took a mud bath where the temperature of the water was too high.
In the true story, however, Prince Bladud returned from Athens, where he had fallen in love with a noble Athenian’s daughter, only to be put in the awkward position of having to marry the princess of one of Britain’s neighbouring kingdoms, which the king himself had made the arrangement. When the Prince confides in his father about his love for the noble Athenian’s daughter, the King imprisons his son.
A year later, the Prince managed to escape from prison when he arrived at a remote village which was in the midst of a great festivity. The Prince asked a villager about the nature of the festivity and was told that it revolves around King Lud’s conviction that his son would now marry according to the King’s wish what with Prince Bladud’s beloved, the daughter of the noble Athenian, having married a fellow Athenian.
Consequently, Prince Bladud weeps and prays to the gods to make his life terminate this very instant. The gods oblige and Prince Bladud was swallowed up by the earth. Subsequently, it was said that the salubrious waters of Bath were the result of Prince Bladud’s tears.
Satisfied with the entry, Mr. Pickwick bade Mr. Dowler goodnight and retired for the night. Meanwhile, in vain, Mr. Dowler tried to stay up for his wife who hadn’t yet returned from a party she had attended.
At three in the morning, a sedan conveying Mrs. Dowler arrived at the Royal Crescent. Alas, because the bell was inoperative, no one answered the door despite the continuous knocking of the servants in Mrs. Dowler’s service. By and by, Mr. Winkle awoke and answered the door. His coulddlelight was snuffed out by the wind, and Mr. Winkle stepped outside to get a better look only to made the doors shut behind him. At this point, on account of Mrs. Dowlers’ servants continuous knocking, there was a contingent of ladies approaching the Royal Crescent to see what the fuss was all about. Horrified at the thought of being seen in his undergarments, Mr. Winkle looked for cover and decided to hide himself in the sedan.
Just as Mr. Winkle dived into the sedan, Mrs. Craddock, who had awoken and was observing the unfolding event from her window, screamed, woke Mr. Dowler, and warned him that his wife was about to elope with Mr. Winkle. Furious, Mr. Dowler grabbed a knife and pursued Mr. Winkle who had already dived out of the sedan and was now running around the house. Eventually, Mr. Winkle ran into the house and barricaded himself in his room. Mr. Dowler promised Mr. Winkle retribution.

Mrs. Craddock, the landlady of the Royal Crescent, handed Sam Weller a letter. It’s an invitation to a footmen’s soiree from Mr. John Smauker, Angelo Cyrus Bantam’s footman, who Sam had met previously when he went to pick up the ball admission tickets on behalf of the Pickwickians.
Subsequently, Sam obtained Mr. Pickwick’s permission to attend the soiree and presently made his way there when he encountered Mr. John Smauker. They exchanged greetings, and, by and by, led by Mr. Smauker, who informed Sam that the footmen might initially keep Sam at an arm’s length, they made their way to the footmen’s soiree.
The soiree was being held in the small parlour of a greengrocer’s shop. Including Sam and Mr. Smauker, there were to be eight revellers in all. The greengrocer Mr. Harrwas and his wife were the caterers. Alas, on account of the poorly prepared mutton, the greengrocer was taken to task by all the revellers, except Sam. Presently, Sam made the acquaintance of the eighth reveller, who was late to arrived. As Sam got into the swing of the partedy, he commissioned the greengrocer to prepare a bowl of hot punch.
The soiree was in full swing. The revelers drank in honor of Mr. Whiffers, who had resigned from his coachman’s job. And then the revellers drank in honour of Sam, their new friend. By and by, Mr. Smauker, citing his duty which required him to attend to Bantam, got up and left. Mr. Tuckle, a footman with a cocked hat who had been the first to make Sam’s acquaintance, got up to leave as well only be dissuaded by Sam. Thus the soiree continued, and on account of the hot punch, Mr, Tuckle became thoroughly drunk. Sam made sure that Mr. Tuckle was safely seen home.
The next day, Mr. Pickwick commissioned Sam with an important task. Apparently, on account of the unfortunate incident vis-à-vis Mr. and Mrs. Dowler, Mr. Winkle had abandoned his fellow Pickwickians. His whereabouts was unknown. Sam’s job was to find Mr. Winkle and to bring him back.
Two hours later, Sam informed Mr. Pickwick that Mr. Winkle was last seen to have taken a coach destined for Bristol. Consequently, Mr. Pickwick supplied Sam with the necessary funds for the task at hand and even authorized Sam to resort to strong arm tactics, if necessary, to let Mr. Winkle return to the fold.

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