Chapter-10
Before going abroad, I wanted to meet both Estella and Miss Havisham. Firstly, I went to Richmond. Reaching there, I just got to know that Estella had gone to Miss Havisham’s.
I was wrapped in fog while on my way to Miss Havisham. When I reached Blue Boar next morning, I saw there Bentley Drummle!
“I believe your part of the country is quiet unruly and wild, isn’t it so?” he said
“Yes, I believe. Even yours is the same way,” I replied.
“No, not really,” he replied airily.
He enquired whether his horse was ready or not. “I have brought it to the door, sir,” said the waiter.
“Oh! But the weather isn’t good; I don’t believe the lady would ride the horse,” he said.
“All right Sir,” said the waiter.
“I won’t dine here as I have planned to dine at the lady’s,” he stated. He repeated these lines and I started hating him even more because I knew that the lady he talked about was Estella.
Suddenly I caught a glimpse of someone who looked like Orlick. He had the same slouching shoulders, ragged hair but his back was to me and I wasn’t able to find who he actually was because I was a bit depressed. When I reached Miss Havisham’s place, she was sitting near the fireplace and Estella was knitting, sitting on a cushion at her feet.
“What brings you here, Pip?’’ asked Miss Havisham.
“I had gone to Richmond to talk to Estella. Since she was here, I had to come,” I replied
I took the chair by the dressing table and continued. Estella sat there with the bowed head, knitting by the fireside.
“Ma’am, I am the unhappiest person in this world today,’’ I said.
Miss Havisham looked firmly at me.
“Ma’am, I have found out the man who is my patron,” I said, “This discovery doesn’t tend to help or benefit me in any way. Since the secret belongs to someone else, I choose not to divulge it.’’
“Someone else, oh I see,’’ said Miss Havisham.
“Ma’am, when I came there, I came just like any other village boy.’’
“But I made a mistake which I have continued to make since then. I took it for granted that you were my benefactress.’’
“Yes, I had told you that,” Miss Havisham observed.
“But that wasn’t kind of you, ma’am?’’ I observed.
I shouldn’t have spoken in this manner and I soon realized it. Miss Havisham grew excited and threw her stick hard on the floor and was in a fit of rage.
“Was I kind enough? Who the hell are you to question me like this?” she cried.
I calmed her and then continued.
“Ma’am, I am sorry; I had asked these questions only for my satisfaction. What I intend to ask now is quite different.”
I continued, “Ma’am, I made the acquaintance of the two members of your family, Mr Matthew Pocket and Herbert who are both kind and whom I greatly admire.”
“Yes, continue your story,” said Miss Havisham.
“They have been my friends despite the fact that I have displaced them by becoming your protege.”
I even revealed to her how I had secretly arranged for Herbert so that he might become a partner of Clarriter’s. I also told her that I was facing a dearth of funds because some money was still to be paid and that had to be done without Herbert’s knowledge.
“Ma’am, it would be really nice and kind of you if you could spare some money to do my friend a lasting service,” I observed.
“But why do you want me to do all this secretly?’’ she asked.
“Ma’am, I started this myself without divulging anything to him two years ago. I don’t want to be seen as someone who betrayed,” I asserted. Finally, Miss Havisham nodded.
“The money will be paid,” she said.
“Do you want to say anything else?’’ she asked suddenly.
“Yes. I love Estella. I am madly in love with her.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t think I would even be able to call her as my own. Ironically, I still continue to love her.”
Then, Estella rose and spoke, “Pip, when you say that you love me, I know what you want to say. Unfortunately, I have no feelings for you. I have even warned you not to raise this topic but you don’t seem to understand,” said Estella.
“Why don’t you understand it? Isn’t Drumble pursuing you?” I stated.
“Yes, it is quite true,” Estella replied.
“Would you ever marry him, Estella?” I asked.
“I tell you the truth; I am soon going to be married to him,” said Estella.
My face dropped into my hands. Somehow, I was able to control myself better than what I had expected. When I raised my face, there seemed to be a deadly look on Miss Havisham’s face. But I still continued speaking. I doubted if anyone could have stopped me from talking now.
“Dearest Estella, if you wish then put me aside for ever. I’ll be hurt but I’ll be happy for you. I make a plea to you—please do not marry someone as worthless as Drummle. He is such a selfish and cruel fellow.”
“Please don’t spoil your life for Miss Havisham’s sake; don’t marry him.”
“Pip, please don’t blame my mother for it; this is my own decision.”
“Oh! Good Gracious! It’s your own decision to marry that cruel being. O Estella, how can I bear to see you as Drumble’s wife?”
“O visionary boy, do you wish to bid farewell now?” Estella said in a light tone.
In order to comfort me, she continued, “All this will pass away soon and you would soon forget me in a week’s time.”
“Estella, you are a part of myself; you have been in everything that I have seen—the river, the clouds, the light, the darkness, the wind, the woods, the sea- for years. I would love you till my last breath.”
I felt too broken to continue. Somehow I said, “God will bless you! God will forgive you!”
Saying this I kissed her hands. Rather than remembering Estella’s charming face, I remembered Miss Havisham’s deadly figure. Her hands covered her heart. On her face, there was a look full of pity and remorse. After walking for quite some time, I crossed London Bridge when it was past midnight. I knew Magwitch was safe as I had entrusted him to Herbert. Since I had the keys with me, I knew I could get into the house even if Herbert had got into his bed.
